


humies

by irrationalqueer



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-26
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-17 16:33:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29720046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/irrationalqueer/pseuds/irrationalqueer
Summary: it's hot and dan has the zoomies. that's it that's the fic
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 24
Kudos: 87





	humies

It’s like a million degrees in the flat but Dan flops over a little bit anyway, draping his leg over both of Phil’s and spreading out. 

“Illegal,” Phil mutters, but he still drops one of his hands to rest on Dan’s thigh. His naked thigh, since they’re both in their shortest shorts. 

They’re supposed to be packing; theoretically they’ll be able to actually move at the beginning of next month and they’re not really prepared for it. But it’s unreasonably hot and they’ve done all the easy stuff and still managed to work up a sweat, and now they’re flat on their backs on the bed. Phil’s mostly ignoring him, tapping away on his phone. Dan’s phone is - somewhere else, ideally not in a box somewhere but honestly it’s happened twice already so he doesn’t exactly have the highest of hopes. They’ve been here for like ten minutes and he’s already bored. He’s gone through some of the zen-ish meditation exercises he knows but he doesn’t really need to feel calm right now. He doesn’t feel bad at all, honestly. Just bored.

“Hey,” he says, directing his elbow into the soft space under Phil’s ribs. Phil grunts in acknowledgment, shifting his torso a little bit further away, but he can’t really go anywhere. It’s basically a nonreaction, so he wiggles closer and smacks the back of Phil’s hand, startling him into dropping his phone.

It misses his face but Phil whines in protest anyway and glares, reaching up and yanking on one of Dan’s curls in retaliation. Dan winces and slaps his hand away, grabbing it between both of his own when it flies back over to poke at his cheek. Phil’s annoyed, he’s pretty sure, but he’s obviously trying not to smile so Dan’s not going to take it too seriously. 

“Why are you like this,” Phil asks, trying to yank his hand out of Dan’s grasp and failing. 

Dan just shrugs as best he can and shifts so both of his legs are laying across Phil’s. Phil grunts when Dan accidentally kicks him in the shin but he’s just laying there patiently now. It’s obviously a ruse; Phil’s only this quiet or still when he’s ramping up to be extra obnoxious, and Dan idly wonders if it ever worked on Martyn when they were kids or if Phil just doesn’t care that he has all of the stealth of a three year old even as a man in his thirties. 

“I’m bored,” Dan says, sighing and letting go of Phil’s hand so he can instead touch his hair, pushing the silky strands back and scratching his scalp a little. Phil hums a little, pushing his head into the touch for a minute. “This is not the hot boy summer I wanted,” he whines, pulling a little bit. 

“Go run around,” Phil says, pushing at Dan’s legs like that’ll get him moving. He probably means to go on a run, like outside. As if it’s normal weather right now and not in fact secret hell.

“Too hot,” Dan says, moving his legs over and rolling over on top of Phil entirely. Phil grunts at the impact, but his arms come up to wrap around Dan’s waist anyway. Dan pushes his face into Phil’s neck, wiggling a little. Phil hates this, he knows. But he doesn’t argue.

“We’re supposed to be packing,” Phil says, hands stroking up and down Dan’s back in a way that would be soothing if Dan didn’t feel like there were a million bees in his brain. Instead it just makes him wiggle a little more, the touch too light to actually be comforting. “Are you trying to start something?” Phil says.

Dan leans up on an elbow, stares at him, considers it. It’s just so hot, though. “No,” he decides, flopping down again heavily and resting his chin on Phil’s collarbone. 

Phil rolls his eyes, crossing them a little as he peers down at Dan. It sends a bolt of fondness through him, watching him struggle to keep his eyes on Dan. They stare at each other for a moment, and Dan can actually kind of feel his heart rate slowing, somehow unable to not calm down when Phil’s looking at him like this. Gross, he thinks, but also - eleven years, he reasons. 

And then Phil evidently decides it’s a competition and Dan can see the corner of his eye twitching like he wants to blink and then - Dan blinks against his will. Phil immediately does a little shimmy of victory and Dan groans, headbutting him in the chin gently. “Loser,” Phil crows, still wiggling his shoulders back and forth. Dan snorts, rolling off of him and standing up in one motion.

He pushes his hair back off his face and wanders around the room, arms crossed and fingers tapping. He turns around to pace back toward the bed and Phil’s sat up, pointing his phone in his direction. He freezes, staring while Phil presumably takes his photo and starts giggling. 

“What,” Dan says, aiming for deadpan but actually just kind of whining, making grabby hands at the phone. 

“Just recording your zoomies for posterity,” he says, giggling and tossing the phone onto the other side of the bed beyond Dan’s reach. He catches Dan’s arms as he tries to lunge across the bed and falls back with him. “Already on instastories,” he says, laughing out loud when Dan groans and redoubles his efforts to get to the phone, locking his arms tightly around Dan’s hips.

“Dick,” Dan says, petulant. "Zoomies?" he says after a moment.

"Human zoomies? Humies," Phil says nonsensically, body shaking a little bit with giggles when Dan lets out a loud honk of laughter directly into his ear. 

"Such a dick," Dan says again, fondly this time.

**Author's Note:**

> on tumblr @ irrationalqueer


End file.
